Back to School.

Today was Stella's first day back to daycare since the holiday break.  I am sitting here wondering if she is just pissing and crapping her pants all day because no one is being as attentive to her as I am here at home. I left 8 pairs of underwear, 3 pairs of pant and extra shoes and socks.  I hope she is having a good day.  She was excited to be back at school, but I worry that she will get too involved in what activity she is doing and forget to use the toilet.  I pick her up at 3:30, so  I will have all of my answers then!

About poop.

Stella pooped in the toilet for the first time today! She actually went twice! I never thought I would be so excited about poop, but this is my life right now.  Morgan had to clean the toilet out because it made me gag.  I don't know why poop sitting in a toilet makes me gag, but cleaning it off of her butt from a diaper doesn't.  I still think potty training is the worse and it still gives me constant anxiety, but Stella pooping in the toilet lifted a weight off of my shoulders.

Potty training.

I think if I wasn't pregnant and emotional, I would be handling this potty training thing a lot better.  It's really one of the  most annoying things ever.  I don't know if I am doing things right and I am constantly receiving unsolicited advice from pretty much everyone.  Pull-ups or undies? Toilet in the living room or in the bathroom? Pants on, pants off?  Should I put her in pull ups when we leave the house, or should I just fucking wing it? 

On Tuesday (New Year's Day) I had an emotional breakdown.  I have had these before, but this one lasted all day and into the night.  Everything made me angry, then cry, which eventually led to to a full fledged panic attack.  I am an anxious and obsessive person by nature. When I am not pregnant, I am on anti anxiety medication.  I don't do pregnancy well because of these factors.  I have never actually experience an anxiety attack before.  It was weird.  I laid down on the couch after putting Stella down and couldn't get comfortable. My body felt jumpy and my breathing started to get out of sync.  I turned to Morgan and told him I didn't feel right.  I tried to calm down, but the more I tried, the worse it got.  I all of the sudden felt an overwhelming urge to throw up (which hasn't happened since my first trimester). I ran to the bathroom and vomited 5 times in a row.  It was massive and unexpected. Since then I have felt a bit better, but still off. 

I just want Stella to pee and poop in the toilet.  I want my anxiety to go away and I want to feel normal, whatever that may be.

Stella Style

Stella is one of those toddlers who wears random articles of clothing and loves accessories. I have been waiting for this time to come and it has been so worth the wait!